This might sound like a ‘made up’ story but, it’s actually real & truthful & it happened to me.
I was in a 10 year relationship with a ‘Man of many Colors!’
A disordered individual who pretty much ‘gamed’ me from day one of our relationship.
In April 2013 I was contacted via email by another woman wanting to know who I was?
She is a Dr of Sociology (Human Behavior!) & was away with him & had intercepted an email from myself to The Commander.
Apparently they had been together 3 1/2 years & were engaged!
He was supposedly on a business trip in the UK but, after this revelation I found the IP addresses for his emails & they were coming from the USA etc…He was lying about everything including the weather!
(I call him the Commander although, he liked me to call him ‘husband’ & ‘master’ etc…just a game he played & I played along.)
I don’t think this lady had any idea of the ‘fallout’ that her contact with me would cause.
I was devastated & so so hurt & angry that I had been ‘played & duped’ & so was she.
It sent me spiraling out of control for a time.
I literally ‘lost it’ while trying to fathom what on earth had happened & how I had been so blind.
My initial reaction was like a volcano erupting & I spewed forth my revenge.
Hell hath no fury & even Mt Etna would have been impressed!
I was livid that The Commander had been so devious & I went to great lengths to expose him.
I contacted his family & work colleagues, trying to alert them to his covert behavior, his double life & his agenda.
I looked like the woman scorned & I was.
He relied on my emotional wrath & ‘roller-coasting’ emotions to undermine me & work in his favor.
They like to use ‘crazy making behavior’ to get them off the hook.
Unfortunately the hook is baited by years of ‘brainwashing, control & manipulation’ so, yes you feel crazed.
You look it, sound it &, temporarily until you gather yourself & inner strength, you are emotionally savaged!
Alas, it was to no avail & even after ‘proving myself’ to The Dr & his enablers & proxy people, I gave up.
He was an executor on my Last Will & Testament, that’s how much I trusted him!
I had in fact been used & abused & discarded with no explanation, apology or anything.
A text to say ‘Move On’ was pretty much it.
He pressed ‘Delete’ & I was gone.
He loves the delete buttons & uses them on his selective memory & his pathological lies.
I was aghast, humiliated, betrayed.
All my core beliefs & values were shattered.
Integrity, compassion, trust, empathy, respect for another was gone.
Mostly I had lost myself in this relationship & I had to find me again.
I had valued his friendship & loyalty above all else.
I was severely disappointed that I had put so much energy & love into him.
I lost faith in him & others in general.
My world crashed in like a huge wave of grief.
What type of person does this?
He gives the appearance of an upstanding pillar of the community & helps people regularly so, why act like this?
Ah Huh, a Disordered Individual & mind acts like this!
My friends & family were shocked & gathered around me & protected me.
I sought medical help & therapy.
I reached out online & elsewhere for support & understanding & found a whole new world.
My own reality, research, knowledge & survival instincts kicked in.
My resilience to ‘rise above’ this, finally came to the fore.
I started contributing to a ‘blog’ & it saved my sanity & helped me heal.
I was searching for & finding answers & I was not alone.
From sharing & supporting & crying & laughing, I was getting ‘free therapy’.
The freedom that comes with the ‘knowing’ was extremely liberating.
Knowing him & knowing myself was the key to my acceptance & healing.
This site now has over half a million hits & I have a rapport with many others.
I now enjoy a friendship with the creator of this site that saved my sanity.
I am extremely humbled & grateful to share my story & help others on their individual journey to understanding & healing.
My whole saga took me into a realm I literally had never been aware of, nor thought I’d ever be a part of.
That ‘realm’ took me on a journey beyond comprehension of how disordered minds blend in around us.
It also took me on a journey of self discovery & self worth & self awareness.
These disordered minds are as follows:
They remain somewhat undetected like ‘chameleons’.
They have many tools in their arsenal, little or no conscience or empathy.
They use control & manipulation to achieve their desires.
They are adept at body language & mimicking & mirroring & mind gaming.
They feel superior & entitled to do this.
They are delusional, ruthless & self advancing, generally at the expense of others.
My Commander uses his forceful energy to secure his desires with no regard for his impact on others.
Myself & his daughter even completed an Advanced Diploma in Business Management so, he could retain his high ranking position!
I did not realize that he would submit our work without any of his own input.
I was completing business courses myself so, just tried to assist him!
He is covert & does this with all his relationships, family, lovers, work colleagues & no one is immune.
The Other Woman admitted he treats her like his personal assistant, just like I was.
His ego is huge & his self proclaimed sexual omnipotence was astounding.
It’s all a sales pitch but, he needed to self promote.
His motto is ‘Position, Position,Position’.
He loves power, status & money.
The new lady is the ‘Chosen’ one & provides him with a prestigious address, affluent friends & they are the perceived ‘Power Couple’ for all intensive purposes.
He uses her knowledge for leverage in his dealings at work as, he maneuvers around Enterprise Bargaining Agreements within his workplace.
All to his advantage whilst giving the perception of the peoples ‘Hero’!
The Rolex watch, gold jewelry, Harley Davidson, designer everything etc…
Oh but, he will tell you he’s not materialistic.
He’s a walking talking contradiction of himself.
He has actively sought to dominate & procure dominant positions in all relationships & encounters.
He has enablers & followers employed to do his bidding!
He even had his best friend a Senior Detective Sergeant contact me on his behalf to ‘make sure I was okay’.
The power he has over getting others to do his dirty work blew me away.
He enlists his family in his lies & has his adult children ‘trained’ to attack.
If you start to unearth the truth of his dealings, look out!
I was smeared & discredited when, I was only ever kind to them, gave them gifts & one a job!
He’s Italian so, the typical patriarchal father & family doyen has been ordained on him.
I misread his role in their lives because of this ‘Title’.
Nevertheless, it’s just a ruse to control,subjugate,objectify & possess those, he feels are useful to him.
(On a side note, he’s not Italian, he was born in the UK!)
He uses people like things or material objects & disposes & deposes them at random.
He is a procurer of people & possessions.
He uses seduction as a tactic to manipulate & plays on your need to be valued.
‘You are so Special to me’, one of his favorite lines or, ‘Your my possession & no-one else will ever have you!’
Or, ‘I own you, you are my property!’….yes, he actually said this and more!
He likes to ‘Stage Manage’ his impression of himself on people.
Unfortunately that’s all it is, an impression, an illusion, an act.
Created purposely & purely for a captive audience to garner control & servitude!
His biggest weapon is LYING, the ultimate manipulation tactic.
He lied frequently to get the advantage over me.
He did not want me knowing what he was up to & kept me in the dark for many years.
Stayed one step ahead of me always.
Each time I tried to leave, he upped the game of seduction & lies.
He had his ‘Band of Merry Men’ aka enablers & followers, proxy’s & cohorts
contact me to pull me back in!
Who can resist a bunch of Firemen calling to profess how much I mean to The Commander!
I was flattered by this attention & his constant calling.
I naturally assumed I was valued & supported.
Oh & I was but, not as a individual person just part of his collection & there are many of us!
He gave us all the same gifts & used all the same lines, just changed the script to suit the situation.
We are all ‘Special’.
I know several others now & even the new lady concurs he’s a ‘Predator!’
I have this in writing & as she is a Human Behaviorist, her own counsel from a colleague told her ‘The Commander’ devalue’s women
as objects to use!
All this is done covertly & subtly & by using deception, vagueness & the omission of the truth.
He lied about his own mothers funeral!
I always said he would make a good politician, always talking, lecturing, advising & accusing.
All talk & no action!
If he acts, it is only for his self gain & never yours.
His lies become his truth.
He actually finds it easier to lie than be honest.
He swears on his children’s & grand children’s heads that he’s telling the truth.
They have very heavy heads!
His life is like a combat zone, “I win, you win” or sometimes, ‘I win, you LOSE’.
He says ‘Us but, means US-E you!
How did I miss so many ‘Red Flags’ along the way?
Life is never straightforward & you cannot focus on one thing all day & I didn’t.
My life was full of family, work, friends, dramas & general existence.
I am compassionate & felt ‘sorry’ for this overworked & burdened man.
When I got close to discovering his agenda, he would send in the troops or work overtime to convince me I was wrong!
He is fluent in ‘conversational’ emotion & very convincing.
He will say whatever he needs to get what he desires.
He could twist a conversation or change the subject or just make an excuse & leave.
He rationalized very easily & was a master at feigning innocence.
His best friend the Policeman said, he’d ‘never known such a wordsmith’ & is in awe of his talent!
He is good at shaming & blaming others & ‘massaging’ an outcome to suit himself.
He works two jobs & does night shift so, a lot of places to hide & go undetected.
He plays at work & visits his other ladies whilst on duty.
He sits in two camps at work, & uses triangulation, gaslighting & splitting to do his dastardly deeds. The UFU is always locked in negotiations with the MFB & no surprises why when, you have a very disturbed character settled amidst your rank & file! In fact he’s formed a whole career around his disorder.
He’s in management & also, is a union representative.
He loves to be the ‘hero’ & the ‘villain’ interchanging.
Sets them up & knocks them down & then resets them once again, just like ‘bowling pins’.
He is likable & affable, outwardly charming & inwardly predatory.
He reads people like a book & often projects you back to yourself.
He is covert & subtle & will wait years to exact his will on someone.
He is a collector of people & in fact collects ‘Royal Doulton Lady Figurines’ & his adult son, his loyal follower collects ‘Predator’ figures.
His son is on his payroll & is rewarded for his collusion with trips overseas & money.
He controls his ex wife via his adult children.
His son lives with her & everything she does is reported back to him.
He called me 10 months later in Jan 2014.
I had No Contact with him but, he called on a blocked number to try & ‘Triangulate’ me back against the Dr but, I was well onto the game by now.
I stood in my own power & held my ground with great aplomb, I even surprised myself!
When he realized I was neutral & not angry, he started to flatter me once again & denigrate the Dr to me.
He informed me that ‘She’ could think what ‘She’ liked & he was ‘never getting married’ but, he was now divorced etc…
(He had finally ‘divorced’ his ex-wife after 35 years & had ‘not moved all of his stuff in with ‘Her’,the Dr!)
So, I forgave him his lack of authenticity & misrepresentation of himself. ( He was stunned.)
Most of all I forgave myself for being duped.
I forgave myself for not standing up against him when I knew better but, that was the lesson & gift I gave back to myself.
I redefined my healthy boundaries & will endeavor to stick to my internal guidance system & core values for the rest of my life.
I will not let myself be dominated or controlled ever again.
I contacted the Dr as, we had aligned ages ago & I meant her no harm.
After all she is just another me & ‘Dupers Delight’.
The Dr verified that he is indeed a ‘Borderline Personality/Narcissist’ etc…& she should know, it’s her job.
At that stage though she was staying with it?
Why stay with a man that has been conning & cheating you from the ‘get go’?
The Dr admitted hiring a cab & following him & was obviously checking his emails so, why stay without trust that she never had?
They signed a pre-nup so, when it goes pear shaped he will not have to worry about her taking his money.After all, that’s what he truly loves!
I am glad I was not the ‘chosen one’ as, I would much prefer to hold my own hand than the hand of a liar. Imagine living with a classic Narcissist & endless games, no thanks!
Perhaps she thinks she can ‘Save, Rescue or Fix’ him?
Maybe because, she studies behavior she will use him as a human study or guinea pig?
I think she just doesn’t want to face the reality of her existence without this disordered individual & how he has compromised her. Sadly Gaslighting is her life now.
She admitted following him & stalking his email yet, this was not enough to tell her this was an unhealthy relationship.
It makes me wonder what hope there is for those whom she may influence in her role as a human behaviorist.
In fact what hope humanity has when the Dr’s are under the spell of a disordered individual. After all if he can fool her then, he figgers he can fool anyone!
More importantly, he & she fool themselves!
Regardless of her motivations, I wish her well on her journey into the parallel universe he resides in. I’m sticking with this Universe & no longer feel I have to orbit the planet of delusion that is ‘The MFB Commander!’
P.S. I was to find others that had also been conned & duped by him & I even became friends with one.
I also started a Facebook page & have thousands of followers & sometimes my reach extends to over 60,000 or more!
I like to think that others can find help, support & solace in their individual battle against narcissism & disturbed characters &, I will continue to enlighten those vulnerable souls against the evil that exists among us all!
The article below is about my disordered mind’s workplace & no surprises that he gets away with so much judging by the outcome of the report.