Always Beware A Tear A Downer,
Don’t Become A Frowner & Never Lose Your Power!
Hmm but, we know this don’t we?
We’ve all met a person that brings you down.
The naysayer, the truth slayer, the bait layer!
We’ve all been conned, duped, cheated on & lied too haven’t we.
But, what happens when the person your with, has always appeared to build you up.
I say ‘appeared’ because, that is the surface agenda.
The subsurface is vastly different!
I remember feeling a sense of obligation for staying with my disordered mind.
Even when I knew I didn’t really want to!
I often felt guilty for seeing his flaws & I felt really bad when I judged him.
I am not by nature judgmental in general but, I remember thinking, ‘Gee he’s very controlling of his family & I could not stand that!’ or, ‘He is really lazy & sloth like’ & ‘his lovemaking is very robotic’ &, ‘He’s not very attractive & needs to lose weight’ etc…
Then I would think, ‘Oh how awful am I & he might see me the same way??’ so, in order to reestablish my ‘high pedestal self’, I admonished these cruel thoughts & berated myself for being so shallow. I would hear myself saying, ‘who are you to judge Missy!’
I’m a really decent person, high values, trusting & loyal aren’t I?
I mean, my Disordered Mind told me constantly how awesome I was & I couldn’t let him down could I?
After-all, if he thinks so highly of me & my ability then, who was I to disappoint him.
So, I stayed trapped out of loyalty, obligation & because, he told me I am such a wonderful person.
This is the trap that Disordered Minds instill in you, the loyal Empath.
They know by our own rationalizing, it will bring us back for more of their compliments & soothe sayings.
Our Ego get’s the better of us &, our own Ego’s won’t let us become like them.
We can’t deliberately hurt another without due provocation.
It’s like admonishing a child for being a little bit naughty but, overall good.
It is what they depend on. Our ability to let them get away with little indiscretions that slowly grow to bigger ones!
She/He is ‘too nice’ to do that. This was said to me on more than one occasion.
‘Your too nice’, what’s ‘too nice’ mean?
Translation is, your an Empath & being mean, deceptive & shallow is not your true nature.
You will always be predictably nicer than the Disordered Mind. Your preset for love & loving behavior.
So, even when we see their games, faults & even worse, we default back to the ‘Rise Above’, you are better than that.
We are gracious because, this is what we do & who we truly are.
If we lash out we are crazy & if we don’t we are weak.
We are neither & each response is provoked by the Disordered Mind.
It’s Fight or Flee on command.
For those that are targeted by a Disturbed Character/Disordered Mind, it’s normal to just Freeze & try to restore your natural balance. We conceptualise ourselves & our significant others.
I am good, I am & they know it & so do I! Why did it need his constant reinforcing over & over. Because, if I wasn’t built up, I couldn’t be torn down so, build up he did & subsequently the tearing down was inevitable, part of the plan. You fall hard & pretty much decimated. This is the intention of the character disturbed. ‘Set Em Up & Watch Them Fall!’
Unfortunately everything I thought about him was true & came to pass.
He was a nasty character & that other women had the same thoughts too.
In hindsight, it would have been better if I had been honest with myself & cut & run when I started to see his true character. All those flaws that I did not like & value’s that weren’t aligned with my own. I don’t normally think in negative terms about my loved one’s, not like the way I did of his. I could ‘see’ his badness yet, felt obliged somehow to overlook them? Why, because I was ‘groomed’ professionally to accept the unacceptable. Subtle at first then, systematic acceptance of overlooking his behavior. I forgot I had a choice, I stopped noticing, I stopped caring & then I just stopped.
Alas hindsight is useless & I needed foresight to see & heed my own warnings & gut. This man was not for me, never was & never would be!
So yes, Beware The Tear-A-Downers but, watch carefully for the Builder-Up-Perers!
Beware your Ownself & your Ego, they are separate but, often meld together to confuse you.