I wrote this over 12 months ago as, it was the very beginning of my awakening into the realm of pathological liars & disordered individuals.
It took me on a great quest of knowledge & self discovery.
Imagine my devastation at discovering I had not only unearthed the truth behind this relationship but, that my ex husband was a Narcissist.
I had had two disordered minds & only now understand fully what my life has consisted of.
I am grateful that No. 2 was sent to wake me up but, wish I’d been freed a long long time ago.
Oh what a ride & what an experience.
Alas, it is behind me & I am wide awake now!
I have been involved with a Narcissist/Sociopath/psychopath for 10 long years!
He is very charming & I was flattered by his attention.
I was very vulnerable when he entered my life & came to trust him & thought he was a man of great integrity.
It was easy for him to cheat once he had my trust etc…this is what he relied upon!
I now know I have been under the spell of a Narcissist/Sociopath/psychopath.
The lies & manipulation have been unbelievable but, I still did not see his true colors until I was confronted by the other woman.
This lady is a Dr of Sociology & contacted me whilst holidaying recently with my Sociopath.
I was told that and I quote,’she was his relationship partner for 3 1/2 years & that they had been living together for 12 months!
Oh & he had just proposed to her’!!!
I thought he was living at his recently deceased mothers home with his sister!!
He had recently sold his own home & a beach side property to reduce his debt level or so he said.
(I now know he had moved in with the other woman & they have purchased a property in the millions together?)
Wow, here it was right in front of my eyes….
I had been in an intimate relationship with this guy for 10 years no less, & suddenly I am eradicated by him without any explanation at all!
(We did not live together as I had always wanted to keep my private life separate as my children had been very traumatized by my marriage break down so,to spare them if things didn’t work out we lived separately,in fact he never stayed over if they were home.)
He broke all contact with me once he knew he had been discovered.
Usually he called me several times a day & we had lunch frequently.
I realize that all the phone calls were for keeping track of me & controlling the situation in case I was headed in his direction.
Now I was out in the cold,no goodbye except for a text saying I could & should move on!!!!
Gee wish I’d moved on a long long time ago.
In fact I was warned by his ex mistress (yep that’s right) one of his mistresses.
I met him via her as he is a car dealer as he has two jobs.
I had to sell my car after my marriage breakup as I could not afford the repayments so,Enter Stage Right My Sociopath!
He would not respond to my repeated requests for an explanation.
I have since learned that once a Sociopath is discovered they soon turn tail & cannot & will not face their victim.
In fact they then justify to others that they are the hero not the villain.
Apparently he told the other woman he was helping me & hadn’t been able to end it with me….blah,blah!
He failed to mention to her that we were intimate regularly, even the night before he left on his so called business trip.
(The other woman intercepted an email from me to him and it proved he was planning to come for dinner upon his return & had confirmed how much he was looking forward to it Kiss,Kiss)!
The night I got the email I was happily sitting & watching the last episode of Downton Abbey (still don’t know how it ended!)
I received a text message from my Sociopath that his email account had been hacked & that I should only contact him on this number (not the usual one) etc…
I then opened my email & there it is, the email from the other woman!
She had created another email account for herself & made contact with me in the hope of finding out whether her suspicions of him were correct.
I was told not to be concerned for his health (as I had been inquiring after his sore Achilles tendon)
That he was having a wonderful holiday with her,his son & his sister. ( His son is fully aware of my relationship with him & I know his sister also!)
He had led me to believe he was on yet another (yes he’s had a few) work related trips.
I had been told (once again) that he was on a terrorist training course.
He is a Commander in the Fire Brigade so,I assumed this was true.
He had previously shown me documentation from ASIO regarding Essential Service Personnel & the need for specialist training to be undertaken in case of terror acts & threats etc….
This all went to aid his elaborate plan to convince me that he was doing his bit for our protection,Wow what a hero!
He also told me once he was sent on a special training camp somewhere that could not be disclosed.
Where he was put through extreme training conditions like extreme temperatures,lack of sleep etc…to test his reactions to stressful conditions & that he was one of a very small group to actually get through the course?
I have no idea whether this was true or not but,it did sound unbelievably believable!
He would go into great detail without actually showing any proof & I swallowed it all!
I thought he was in the UK but,according to the email he was in Hong Kong, Beverley Hills,New York & now in London & all for pleasure. My son was able to search the IP address for the emails & where they originated from & Bingo he was in the USA!!!
My Sociopath had been leading a very duplicitous life indeed….he even involved his family members.
I was told by a friend when he was away previously that he was away with another woman & when I texted him to clarify this information he had his daughter call me to reinforce that he was on business alone!
His daughter is married to a friend of a friends son so,I believed her.
He also invited me to dinner with his family after he had mislead me about his Mothers Funeral!
He lied to me about the date so,that I would not be able to come!
When I found out I was very hurt but, then he made up such an elaborate lie and I ended up feeling sorry for him!
Apparently he was under so much stress organising the funeral & his ex wife was creating trouble that he did not want to tell me so,lied about the date?
I realise now that this was all part of him making sure his worlds didn’t collide.
He couldn’t have me show up when there was someone else on the scene etc….(although the other woman was unable to attend she had been introduced to the family by this stage.) Still I don’t know how his family could entertain me at dinner & not say anything??
Anyway once I realised what My NSP had been playing at,I set out to expose him so, as I had retained a lot of emails etc…I arranged to meet the other woman at her request.
We met at a local hotel & I was shocked to say the least.
I was expecting a strong professional woman but instead, I was met with an emotionally devastated but,very nice lady.
We hugged & I was very saddened to see what he had done to us both.
We ordered coffee & she had bought me a lovely gift & I had a little something for her also.
We sat & it was awkward at first but,soon we were sharing our story.
My Sociopath was now Our Sociopath. The other woman had been suspicious for a while & had even hired a cab one night & followed him but,he was not where he said he would be & I confirmed to her that he was not with me either?
He even said exactly the same lines to us both in intimate moments,called us both Darling & gave us similar gifts…funnily enough he said & gave his mistress the same as well!
His well practiced lines were nearly verbatim! Obviously he sticks to a routine to avoid slip ups.
We even had a chuckle as one of his favorites was ‘You are my wife,my possession,no divorce ever!’ blah blah!
He liked it if we called him ‘Husband’,in intimate moments.
I found myself in the odd position of having to prove my relationship with him which, by the end of our meeting she was in no doubt of!
I knew far too much to be just a platonic friend as he was now stating I was!
The other woman & I stayed in touch & I thought she was going to rid him from her life but,in one of her emails she revealed that she was staying with him for now although would remain in the ‘control seat of her life’!
I was bitterly disappointed & felt doubly betrayed.
I then set about trying to take back some of my power so,I contacted his work colleague & friend,his family & anyone else that I had on my email etc…I was not going to let him continue his antics undetected.
It obviously worked as he reported me to the police for harassment!!! What a great guy!
Fortunately I realized that the friend he had call me after he was discovered, is a Detective from the same Police Station where the other officer contacted me from.
I explained the situation & whilst she understood fully she still had to do her job & gave me the warning.
I took the warning seriously & as I had already mailed a letter to his ex-wife (that he hasn’t divorced)
I stopped trying to expose him for the reprehensible person that he is.
I did some research into Sociopath/narcissist type personalities and he ticks all the boxes, right down to staring deep into your eyes to almost seeing right through you…creepy because he always did this.
He also does not show any remorse for his actions rather he has become annoyed that he has been discovered etc…
Another trait & he has quickly turned on me & dismissed me.
The Sociopath/Narc has a very high sex drive due to the overload of Testosterone they are usually found to possess!
This is so true of him & he loves to talk about his sex drive & conquests.
His ego is huge! He was always asking if he was the best lover I’d ever had???
I am glad I have stood up to him the only way I could.
My efforts to expose him have been somewhat successful?
Maybe he will think twice next time….but,I doubt it!
Sociopaths/Narc’s often appear normal & their victim looks like the crazy one but,unfortunately that is how they get away with so much.
I am a survivor not a victim.
He has a new victim to weave his web of lies to now!